The latest bill to add ‘security’ to Little India in the wake of the Little India Riot is draconian (although some argue it is necessary). Whatever it is, it’s utterly hilarious. I couldn’t stop laughing.
I’m not here to debate whether its one-year duration is too long or too short, or whether it is a step down from the even-more-draconian Public Order (Preservation) Act. I’m here for the lulz.
For one, it gives police the power to strip search anyone in Little India on the pretext of finding the dangerous and frequently banned substance that causes riots – alcohol.
I burst out in giggles when I thought about the possible scenarios that would mandate a strip search for alcohol.
*Man waddling through Little India.
“Sir, stop. Are you carrying any alcohol?”
“Naw whey, offischer, deff’nutly not at dish hour…”
“Ok, we’re going to pat you down and search you.”
*pat *pat *pat
“Hm, only found these receipts for 4 bottles of Black Cat whiskey, timestamped from 12 minutes ago. Where’s the Whiskey?”
“Sherioushly, sir, I dunnave any wishkey on me.”
“We’re going to do an anal cavity search. Bend over.”
“What’s this 750ml bottle doing up your rectum?! Trying to smuggle it into Little India is it? Are the other three up there also? Out with it! Don’t make me go in there!”
People really, really, really want to sneak alcohol into Little India now that there’s a “general prohibition” in place. It’s so rogue, and rogue is vogue.
Also, certain troublemaking people can also be banned from Little India. What are the police going to do? Fence it up and establish checkpoints? Issue residents with passes? Isn’t a Little India troublemaker still a troublemaker anywhere else? You can imagine the games of hide and seek and catching that are going to be played over this.